When More Creates Less...
Julliette longs to feel loved. She believes that if anyone really loved her they would hold her. But because her body remembers being violated in a rape when she was younger, touch is very traumatic and stirs things up. These two parts of Juliette don’t talk to each other.Jason loves Julliette and longs to hold her. But every time he reaches out she gets angry and distant. If he did not hold her she would not be triggered, but would remain lonely. The infusion of Jason’s love brings up so much trauma in the form of discomfort and anger that she retreats and feels even farther from Jason than before. Everyone loses.
Julliette’s rape has nothing to do with Jason. His love for her is a gift, as is his touch, which she wants very much. But with the body memories that are present, the net result is that Jason feel’s his love is rejected and inadequate and Julliette feels guilty, confused, angry and separate.
This lose/lose played out in different ways in so many relationships is the true cost of abuse that scars us. And these splits are by no means limited to touch. As unfair as it is, it is Julliette in this story who must seek the help to reprogram herself around her relationship to her rape because it is this split within herself that will insure she can never win. Otherwise, receiving consistent messages that his love is rejected and causes problems, Jason will leave and be with someone where his love is validated and appreciated. If he stays, Juliette is no better off.
Action: Assess your response to your partners love. If it is anything but welcoming, begin the process of transforming your reactions to your partners gifts so that they really know how special they are to you. Energetic healing work can be a powerful tool in this process.
Cresting the Waves:
A guide to sailing through life on
Relation-Ships
Dane E. Rose
