Twisted Endings
Relationship endings can often have a painful form of logic. It goes something like this: "I'm being pulled out of the orbit of this relationship. Because I hold an idea that I want good things there must be something bad about this relationship because I want to leave." If there isn't, "no problem I'll create some." Often both parties cooperate to create a fight that will protect them from drifting back into a relationship that is over for deeper reasons. However the lies generated in the process can hurt more than the ending itself. And if it is a good relationship there is another pressure on the one who initiates the ending: Endings are always painful. The one being left often demands an explanation: "What did I do wrong? Why are you doing this to me/us?" Although the person being left finds it painful to hear their faults, it can be preferable to the sense of powerlessness that is part of the mysterious cycle of every relationship. Action: Create a time with your partner to explore endings. Talk about how endings have worked for you in the past and how you want them to work for you in the future. Consider that not all endings are failures - and that independent of the pain of separation, they can be positive and growth filled experiences when consciously guided with sensitivity, love and mutual respect.
Cresting the Waves:
A guide to sailing through life on
Relation-Ships
Dane E. Rose
