Solving Problems Vs. Being Present

We bring our problems to others, seemingly with the desire to have our life fixed for us. But this is often not what we want. What we want is for someone to be with us, believe in us and hold the space for us to solve our own problems. And more importantly, to be with us in the full range of emotions we feel upon our journey.

This can be very hard and counter-intuitive to let in. As our partner is in pain and struggling, it may be tempting to take their problems away. Nonetheless, it does not serve them to assume the position that they need us to take care of them. While they may ask for that and a part of them wants that, a bigger part is testing you: “will you support me in my strength or answer the voice of my weakness and try and rescue me?” Supporting another in their process of growing can be particularly hard when another part of them stands poised to blame and punish us for not fixing their problems.

Action: Be with someone today in their need without fixing it. Offer your presence without your solutions. If in doubt, ask them: Do you want solutions or for me to listen and empathize with what you have to say?

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose