Rage at Innocence

Some of us find ourselves feeling intense inexplicable rage  during or after beautifully innocent and tender moments. That sacred innocence is so fragile in a world that is what it is, we feel powerless to protect such beauty and innocence from others that may exploit it without respect. The helplessness and pain of bearing witness, along with the suspense of waiting, can produce a complex concoction of grief and a violent rage, that, left unconscious, is ultimately turned on the innocence itself. Or it may show up as depression. It's similar to the phenomena in a suspense movie: there are times we may find ourselves angry at the victim for walking so predictably into the trap we in the theater see so clearly. There can be an impatience to just get the pain over with so we won't have to wait any longer.

The arena that every person must confront this dynamic is parenting. Imagine at some level the agony of your parents as you came into the world. You were so beautiful, so trusting, and lovable. Every human on the planet is inadequate to honor the innocence and beauty of a child with the love and caring they deserve. The most conscious parents will be the most aware of their own failings. This brings up feelings of inadequacy, despair, aching grief and pain to every parent that truly sees their child and knows what they will face in the world.

This pain and fear was too much for many of our parents to feel and the shame of inadequacy transformed them into abusers, desensitizing and venting their frustration on you. It was not abuse because you did something wrong. It was an expression of helplessness to protect you in the way they knew you deserved. In the analogy of the suspense movie: they could not bear to wait for the world to knock you down: they decided to do so themselves. The sense of powerlessness to protect you was too great for them to tolerate so they hurt you themselves. At another level, they are doing the same thing to their own inner beauty: hiding it away in self punishment to avoid it being ripped away by others.

Your parents could not accept themselves for the abuse at some level they know they administered. Nor can they forgive you for their feelings of inadequacy. Each of us has likely done the same to our partner when our love draws them to the pinnacle of their beauty and innocence. It is a face of being human that we each encounter to varying degrees.

Action: Accept the link between love, powerlessness, violence, fear and rage. Forgive yourself for being the innocent victims of such chain reactions. Forgive your self for the ways in which you have sliced and diced the innocent love and beauty that was given to you. If this does not touch you deeply, spend some time here.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose