The Push/Pull Dance

We all have two camps within us: one that says yes, the other that says no. The yes camp longs for the tenderness, belonging, joy and pleasure of loving and being loved. The no camp runs from entrapment, pain, loss and the possibility of stirring up old wounds. Both camps connect these things with the choice to be in or out of relationship.

When we are out of relationship the no camp is satisfied and relaxes, while the yes camp feels unfulfilled. As we move into relationship, our yes camp becomes less visible and the no camp starts fighting hard because it's not being honored. Thus is born a dance that is among the most common and painful experiences of romance.

The way out of this see-saw is to recognize and respect the wisdom of both camps and integrate the gifts each has to offer. To succeed it is up to us to negotiate a settlement between them.

Action: Write out what you value in relationship. Notice what parts of you are in the yes camp, the pictures and agendas they each have. Be aware that the yes camp is filled with destructive agendas as well as “clean” agendas. That part in you that wants revenge for past hurt needs to be in relationship in order to get it, but the relationship it has in mind will not be one that serves you. Now do the same for your “no” camp. Is there a way that you can see to answer the “no” camps fears and agendas and create what you want. Ultimately, each voice within you wants your well being.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose