Questions for a Life Partnership
These questions will help you focus on important areas of compatibility with a potential life partner. Consider writing out your answers together with a potential partner early on in the relationship process and reviewing them together. Even if you don't have a potential partner in mind, writing out your answers to the following questions will help you define what you are looking for. Keep in mind the importance of adapting both the questions and the approach to what works for you and your partner. Keep in mind that each relationship is different and so some of your answers will change. The purpose of going through this process together is to notice what comes up, allow it to bring you closer and also to notice major areas of incompatibility early.Overview:
1)Describe the most important elements of your life both in their current form and the functions they fulfill. As an example, one item may be: Friends with Jane, with a function of expressing play, exercising your body, and giving and receiving love in the course of that relationship.
Describe the most important elements of your life both in their current form and the functions they fulfill. As an example, one item may be: Friends with Jane, with a function of expressing play, exercising your body, and giving and receiving love in the course of that relationship.2)Create a succinct mission statement for your life that reflects your values, your essence, and why you are here on the planet.
Create a succinct mission statement for your life that reflects your values, your essence, and why you are here on the planet.3)What are your most important dreams in life? When you die, what do you think will be the most important aspect of the life you have chosen to live.
What are your most important dreams in life? When you die, what do you think will be the most important aspect of the life you have chosen to live.Emotional/Psychological Profile:
1)Describe your core wounds and what incidents related to causing them.
Describe your core wounds and what incidents related to causing them.2)Describe how you are triggered and sensitive as a result
Describe how you are triggered and sensitive as a result3)Describe what support you would like to receive around these wounds
Describe what support you would like to receive around these wounds4)List the areas you are most likely to be abusive or offensive to others in general:
List the areas you are most likely to be abusive or offensive to others in general:5)List the areas you are most likely to be abusive, offensive or misunderstood in romantic connection:
List the areas you are most likely to be abusive, offensive or misunderstood in romantic connection:Current Social Profile:
1)Succinctly describe your social preferences. Do you prefer groups or one on one. Do you like fewer and deeper or more and lighter.
Succinctly describe your social preferences. Do you prefer groups or one on one. Do you like fewer and deeper or more and lighter.2)Make a list of all the groups currently in your life and the function they fulfill and on a 1-10 scale how well they do that function.
Make a list of all the groups currently in your life and the function they fulfill and on a 1-10 scale how well they do that function.3)Make a list of the people in your life and the functions they fill physically, emotionally, spiritually, and their importance to you at this time in your life.
Make a list of the people in your life and the functions they fill physically, emotionally, spiritually, and their importance to you at this time in your life.4)What do you see as your most important social challenge at this time and how can your partner support you?
What do you see as your most important social challenge at this time and how can your partner support you?5)Describe your 100% for a romantic partner in as much detail as you would like.
Describe your 100% for a romantic partner in as much detail as you would like. 6)Make a list of what upsets you most in personal relationships and rate the item from 1-10 (ten being what most upsets you)
Make a list of what upsets you most in personal relationships and rate the item from 1-10 (ten being what most upsets you)7)Make a list of specific things/ways of being that a partner could do to make you feel really loved. Mark each item 1-10 (ten being things that make you feel really loved)
Make a list of specific things/ways of being that a partner could do to make you feel really loved. Mark each item 1-10 (ten being things that make you feel really loved)8)How important is blood family to you and what does it look like to you to be in integrity with those relationships?
How important is blood family to you and what does it look like to you to be in integrity with those relationships?9)Do you plan to be a parent? On a 1-10 scale how important is that experience to you?
Do you plan to be a parent? On a 1-10 scale how important is that experience to you?10)Deal breakers: Please outline what the deal breakers are in a relationship for you.
Deal breakers: Please outline what the deal breakers are in a relationship for you.Current Spiritual Profile:
1)Express your core beliefs.
Express your core beliefs.2)Describe your current spiritual routine and how that brings you closer to the divine.
Describe your current spiritual routine and how that brings you closer to the divine.3)Are you open to jointly creating other spiritual paths?
Are you open to jointly creating other spiritual paths? 4)If so, what elements will be important to you?
If so, what elements will be important to you?5)What do you feel are your greatest strengths?
What do you feel are your greatest strengths?6)How are you wanting to bring these strengths to the world in service?
How are you wanting to bring these strengths to the world in service?Health and Well Being:
1)How would you describe your health?
How would you describe your health?2)Is there any ongoing health concern you face?
Is there any ongoing health concern you face?3)What is important to you in the way of routine and practices to take great care of your body?
What is important to you in the way of routine and practices to take great care of your body?Current Time Profile:
1)Create a profile of how you currently invest your time daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Next to each item note the amount of minutes currently spent for the period in question on an average basis. Also note the functions each time investment achieves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Create a profile of how you currently invest your time daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Next to each item note the amount of minutes currently spent for the period in question on an average basis. Also note the functions each time investment achieves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.2)List all current commitments at work and to others that you would need to renegotiate before changing. Highlight these in red.
List all current commitments at work and to others that you would need to renegotiate before changing. Highlight these in red. 3)Note all the things that you are currently planning to do, but which could be changed without breaking a a commitment. Highlight these in green.
Note all the things that you are currently planning to do, but which could be changed without breaking a a commitment. Highlight these in green. 4)Note any times in the next 12 months when you currently have time to invest in this relationship.
Note any times in the next 12 months when you currently have time to invest in this relationship. Your Ideal Romantic Relationship:
1)Make a list of the things that deepen an experience of love for you:
Make a list of the things that deepen an experience of love for you:a.Questions you like to be asked
Questions you like to be askedb.Gifts you like to receive
Gifts you like to receivec.What thoughtfulness looks like to you
What thoughtfulness looks like to youd.What courtesy’s are important
What courtesy’s are importante.How you feel respected
How you feel respectedf.What makes you feel safe
What makes you feel safeg.What turns you on
What turns you onh.What earns your respect
What earns your respecti.What activities you want to do
What activities you want to do2)What destroys love and romance for you:
What destroys love and romance for you:a.What turns you off
What turns you offb.Conversations you don’t like
Conversations you don’t likec.What gifts you don’t want to receive
What gifts you don’t want to received.What things leave you with an impression of thoughtlessness
What things leave you with an impression of thoughtlessnesse.When do you feel disrespected
When do you feel disrespectedf.What loses your respect
What loses your respectg.What activities do you not want to do
What activities do you not want to do3)What do you see as the gifts you bring to me that you would like to give me?
What do you see as the gifts you bring to me that you would like to give me?4)What are the gifts you see in me that you would like to receive?
What are the gifts you see in me that you would like to receive?5)What do you want me to learn/change so that you will be more comfortable or happy in a life together?
What do you want me to learn/change so that you will be more comfortable or happy in a life together?6)What don’t you want me to know about you?
What don’t you want me to know about you?7)Describe in as much detail as you can, what your ideal life looks life with a relationship partner over a 3 month period. Please include:
Describe in as much detail as you can, what your ideal life looks life with a relationship partner over a 3 month period. Please include:•What and when you do to maintain the relationship
What and when you do to maintain the relationship•All the areas you spend time together
All the areas you spend time together•What the energy and nature of the relationship is
What the energy and nature of the relationship is•Why those things are important to you – the functions they perform.
Why those things are important to you – the functions they perform.•Alone time, activities.
Alone time, activities.•Amount of sex/ touch/ spending time together.
Amount of sex/ touch/ spending time together.Current Financial Profile:
1)What is your credit score?
What is your credit score?2)List your liquid assets:
List your liquid assets:3)Current debt and payments:
Current debt and payments:4)Current yearly income after taxes: $
Current yearly income after taxes: $5)How much are you currently spending per month on such categories as:
How much are you currently spending per month on such categories as:i.Health
Healthii.Personal development
Personal developmentiii.Spiritual development
Spiritual developmentiv.Alone time fun
Alone time funv.Social fun
Social funvi.Retirement and Investments
Retirement and Investmentsvii.Long term goals
Long term goalsviii.Home Improvement
Home Improvementix.Travel
Travelx.Other
Other6)How much new money do you feel comfortable allotting to this relationship?
How much new money do you feel comfortable allotting to this relationship?7)Anything you want your partner to know about your financial profile?
Anything you want your partner to know about your financial profile?
Cresting the Waves:
A guide to sailing through life on
Relation-Ships
Dane E. Rose
