Indicate or be Direct

Benefits of direct communication include speed, clarity and consciousness. Benefits of indicating include tact, comfort and gentleness. Both have their place.

Here are two examples:

If I want to indicate that I want to spend more time with a lover but not put them on the spot or experience a rejection myself I might say “I would enjoy seeing you again soon.” I can then notice what their response is.

If on the other hand I want to get clear, I might say: “I would really like to see you in the next two weeks. Do you share my feelings and do you have any four hour windows available in your calendar that we could schedule now?”

Using the first approach you may preserve the opportunity of future connection with a relationship in a fragile stage. With the second approach you are far more likely to actually get together in the next two weeks. It is best to practice both approaches consciously and notice the results. If it’s helpful, write out your direct question first to practice the language.

Action: Make three consciously direct requests and three statements indicating what you want gently today.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose