Deposits in the Relationship Account

Everything you do has impact on your partner. Sometimes the pros and cons of what you do cancel each other out and it registers as neutral. But most of what you do will land with your partner as an overall positive, or negative experience.

Do you know when, why and how much? What makes them feel OK, great, madly in love with you or the reverse? Do they know what brings these feelings up in you? One of your first steps in relationship should be to find out! Here are a few examples.

“I feel really loved when I receive flowers that were carefully chosen in pastel colors and have a card and poem inside. Positive 6”

“When you dress up for me and have just had a haircut that is a positive 8”

“When you devote an entire evening to making love to me in just the way I want and tell me up front that I am to do nothing in return that is a positive 10 for me.”

“I don’t feel loved when you look away from me while I’m talking and I can’t tell whether you are paying attention to me. Negative 7”

Action: Ask your partner to make a list of what makes them feel loved and fabulous and rate each item on the list a one to a ten? Ask them to do the same for what makes them feel unloved and rate that as well? Make your own list and exchange them, asking each other questions to make sure you understand not only the surface but the underlying reasons for the impact.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose