Dance of Sabotage
Endings and abusive relationships can be a source of deep pain and depression for those conscious enough realize that the relationship is not just mysteriously happening. Perhaps you are one of those who has noticed vague impulses to run, rage, and push your partner in irrational ways. Or if not conscious of the feelings, perhaps you have watched yourself do just the things at just the right time to trigger your partner. Perhaps you have watched your partner at their most vulnerable moments set you up to hurt them in ways that were almost impossible to avoid. One of the most terrifying experiences in life is to be deep in the love we have always wanted and realize we are in a semi conscious quick sand with factions within us and our partner that want to sabotage it. This can produce so much stress that withdrawal, angry outbursts, blame and distancing behavior are common. Fearing this terrain is what stops many of us from going deep in the first place. The most important thing is not to take your partner’s behavior personally. If they do not have the skill to love deeply, they will push anyone away. Even though you have played a role in the dynamic, it is not your fault. Be conscious that the most challenging skill in life: sustainable deep loving is not taught or modeled very often. You are mastering some deep skills on your own. Be tender with yourselves. Action: Talk about the dynamic of self sabotage with your partner on an ongoing basis. Notice if and when you begin to play the role of someone avoiding and abandoning love rather than embracing it. We all have our limit to the love we can feel in any given moment and respecting that limit can be the compassionate step. Consider stepping back a little and receiving help and avoid the fear/blame game, which is in itself a way of running away from love without taking responsibility.
Cresting the Waves:
A guide to sailing through life on
Relation-Ships
Dane E. Rose
