Can I Trust You?

So often what we mean by this question is: “Can I trust that if I love you I will not feel pain?” The answer to this question is a resounding “no.”

Trusting ourselves is necessary to discern whether or not we can trust others. In all areas it is important to be specific about what you do and do not trust in ourselves and our partner. If we applied the same standard of blanket trust to ourselves as we often do to others we might say to ourselves: "I can't believe you did that. Here I trusted you to pick me an ideal mate and look what you did. I don't like this and that about them and now I have to deal with what to do about it! Some friend you are."

What do you trust about your self? Trust is an energy of integrity between expectation and results that is earned with experience. In what areas of your life have you earned this trust? Do you trust yourself to get to work without being killed in a car accident? Do you trust your self to save up enough money to meet your obligations in the coming month? Do you trust yourself to keep that money safe from theft once you have saved it? Do you trust your self to spend it wisely? What I am getting at is that there are a thousand questions like this that you could ask, and each reflects a different arena of trust. What is important to realize is that it is no different for someone else that you want to trust.

We like to answer a blanket question because it is such a responsibility to discern trust in all its true complexity. Perhaps you can trust your partner to love you but not to be faithful. Or be faithful but not honor your love. Perhaps you can trust your partner to be courteous - but not when they are drinking. Perhaps, perhaps... No person is entirely trustworthy, and neither are you. The challenge is to pick the specific areas in which trust is truly important to you and learn whether you and your partner have that trust.

It gets deeper than that. Trust is an energy that is seen differently by various aspects within us. Our child may be asking “can I trust this person to love me and protect me when I’m scared.” Our adult may be asking “can I trust this person to support me in my power by  rejecting my child’s pleas to be rescued.” Who is deciding what is trustworthy within you?

Here are some questions I have found valuable in healthy relationship: “Do I trust my partner to leave me if our relationship begins to weaken either of us or distract us from our growth? Do I trust my partner to know themselves well enough to recognize their shadow? Do I trust my partner to respect my boundaries? Do I trust my partner to see me and put my self expression ahead of their needs for me to be what they want? Do I trust my partner to say “NO” when that is there truth, even they know it may be painful for me to hear?”

Action: Write down what you trust in your partner. Share this with them if appropriate and ask them to do the same for you. If you are single: write down 10 areas you want a partner to be trustworthy.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose