Anger at Men

When a woman has been hurt by a man to such a degree that she must split off from a part of herself to cope, a complex division plays out in her relationship with herself. She will begin to send mixed messages to men. She may be angry at a man for approaching her: “Don’t you know you will be hurt upon my defenses! Go away. You deserve to be hurt if you are too stupid to see my warning signs.” If he comes closer still she may lash out, doing a variety of covert moves designed to confuse, hurt, befuddle and generally attack him.

Part of why she hates him is that his presence focuses her own awareness on her vulnerability, inadequacy to re-unite herself, and her sense of powerlessness to open up and prevent a re-enactment of the original wound. She may also hate him for the shame she feels at her own sensitivity in the face of a wound her rational mind may discount as "no big deal." She may hate him because part of her needs his validation but she can't get it and keep him out at the same time. This push/pull within herself is deeply disturbing, unsatisfying and enraging. She hates him for “making” her hurt him by his continued advances. And she is sad when he goes away. She is angry that his arrival brought the onset of so much insanity.

Action: Unravel the script of your wound. Put down in words the incredible frustration and pain of it. When you have it written down, be tender with your self. Forgive your self for participating in a dynamic that has led you to pain.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose