Relationship Paranoia

Relationships are a mine field. The loving faces of our partner  open us up, inviting intimacy and vulnerability. Then the heavy hitters of shame, jealousy and hate who want no part of it come in and exploit the vulnerability for surprise attacks.

Wounds continue to actively seek pro-creation as long as they are  unconscious or their charge is not released. Wounds are much like weeds blowing in from a neighbors garden. The weed seed may have come over from them, but unless we uproot it in our garden it will not only grow in our soil, but produce seeds that infect others. One of the reasons romantic relationships are so dangerous is that emotionally/mentally we take down the fence that normally blocks many of these weeds from crossing over.

To take that metaphor a bit further, if you have cleared your soil of weeds but have not yet got your garden planted and mulched, it may not be such a good idea to take down your fence with someone with a weed patch going to seed. You risk being in an endless loop of trying to weed out the seeds that come across with each passing breeze

There is good reason to be terrified of intimacy. There are so many games going on it’s hard to keep track of them all. And they are all going on simultaneously. It is very much like the world of viruses. Each of us carry thousands of viruses that could break out lethally if parts of our immune system is weakened. The same is true mentally/emotionally. Wounds can become deadly if your defenses get too low. .

Action: Recognize that intimacy requires intelligent discernment and that the need for this discernment increases as you develop and grow. Recognize also that much of the skill that is needed to succeed in relationship is to simultaneously see the truth in this chapter while also appreciating the amazing possibilities of love and connection mentioned in others.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose