Pick Your "Problems"

There is no relationship approach or technique that will “solve” all of your “problems.” Each method of relationship has its inherent costs and rewards. But then, you already know this.

This book is not about solving your problems as much as it is about helping you pick the right “problems” and their attending gifts for you at this time. As such you can relax: your “problems” are not shameful and you don’t have to get rid of them. Rather you get to choose which problems you prefer and which gifts the reality with those problems can give you.

As an example, my value of freedom, curiosity and healing at times in my life has led me to be in open relationship with more than one woman. While this gives me many gifts, it also has the cost of less emotional safety for the women involved, which in turn means that I must work harder to communicate and provide safety for the openness and depth I desire. I could solve that problem very easily with Monogamy and instead have other “problems” of having to work harder to draw out different faces in my partner that naturally occur in others. This "work" might dampen my sexuality. I could solve that problem by doing more tantra workshops and spend and have the problems of less time and money. I could solve money problems by working harder but would have less time and feel resentful and pressed. I could solve resentment with therapy but then have less money.

What I am pointing out is that every choice has a cost: you get to decide what is important to you and if you are willing to pay the price.

Action: Take the time to understand the relationship of cost and reward in the choices presented to you. Pick the costs and rewards you feel great about and accept the “problem” as the gift that enables your reality.

Contents

Cresting the Waves:

A guide to sailing through life on

Relation-Ships

Dane E. Rose